Why is it that automatically upon becoming a parent… it seems to be that all you could ever want is to socialise with other parents?
I live in a very small village, in a housing estate run by the local housing authority. It’s a very pretty way to live, but it is terribly isolated.
I do not drive, I cannot use the bus (the bus stop is located right on the A66, one of the most dangerous roads in this area, and I am scared to death crossing that road especially with two young kids), and there is almost no one here I can relate to.
So I’m lonely. I miss my friends who live in the nearby town, I miss general day to day interactions with people… that doesn’t focus purely on children!
Now, everyone in this area seems to know each other well. Most have lived here many years, and have family living here also. Perhaps it’s my own fault for not trying harder. But personally, it boils down to two main reasons as to why I cannot really call many people here real friends.
1) They’re of an entirely different generation.
The few people around here whom I get on with to a degree, are mostly a lot older than I am, have older children and different ideals than I. I’m not saying that as if it is a bad thing, but it’s really hard to make a meaningful connection with someone who thinks that my way of thinking/acting/behaving is so obscure and strange. I don’t go out of my way to be obscure and strange… but I am honest about who I am, what I like, and what I think. I’m not going to stop my son from playing with his toy buggy because older parents can’t seem to grasp beyond the idea’s of ‘Boy’s toys and girl’s toys’, I’m not going to stop listening to my music because everyone else seems to adore Elvis. And I’m not going to dress all ‘mumsy’ and forfeit my shaved head just to fit in with a crowd.
Of course, my friends back in town wouldn’t see anything like that (or the rest of who I am) as strange. In fact, amongst my group of friends I’m the tame one, lol.
2) If they’re closer to my own age range… they’re chavvy idiots who spend their time shouting and drinking.
Now, I know that it’s possible that not all chav’s are as bad as they’re made out to be. However, the younger parents around here certainly fit into the worst-case stereotype. And with it comes the narrow-mindedness, and of course, the abuse that comes with it. Needless to say, none of them seem particularly keen on my family and myself. And it’s not to say I haven’t tried. When we first moved here we would greet everyone, try to get to know people, be civil and polite and a nice as can be. (Although to be honest, it wasn’t something we strived at, it’s just how we are). After the novelty factor wore off however (“oh my gawd, did ya see that fat chick with all the piercings? She can fit her finger through her ear”) the derogatory remarks and actions started, and I no longer wasted any energy on them.
Maybe you think I’m being as judgemental as they seem to be. Perhaps I am, but I speak my judgement from personal experience of these specific people.
If I ever mention to anyone that I am lonely however, I get told about various children’s groups or parents clubs etc. I don’t have a need to be around other parents, there are enough of them surrounding me. I just want to have friends whom I can relate to on a more personal level, not just for the fact that the only thing we have in common is that we’ve shoved various offspring out of our vaginas! (Or they have tiny little flash art on their bodies…)
To the couple of people whom I actually seem to get on with (if you read this of course) you don't fit into either of those catagories, and I hope we can get to know each other better at some point.
All I need is for a man or woman to move here, blare rock music out of their house, hold play piercing parties in their garden, play video games, and like me…
Ah well. Screw being lonely. I have the Internet!
(although it’d help if you commented so I could hold a conversation with someone )